Good-by 2009 and Good Riddance, you will not be missed....

Now that 2009 is coming to a close I look back and it isn't a year I will miss. I've lived over 50 years and know that you have good years, not so good years, and bad years. Well, 2009 was a bad one for me. Most will think it's because of the cancer, that was one thing, but not all. I had a job that I hated every day I went to it and I finally lost it in July, a blessing & a curse. There hasn't been a good prospect for a new one at all in 2009. It was a year that I tried to get VA benefits and was told NO, I wasn't in the right sub group to get ANY help! If I was just a minority it would be easy. Because of the M/M I had to stop giving platelets to the blood bank. That was something I have done all my adult life and it gave me a lot of joy. It was a year that I had to deal with back pain for the first time. It was a year of medical tests, the likes of which I have never had to do before, and on and on...

The Multiple Myeloma has been a roller coaster ride. Since being diagnosed on October 14th it has gone from MGUS, to stage 1 and now maybe back to MGUS or smoldering Stage 1. Who knows... I just had my bone marrow biopsy and that should give me some answers. I'm hoping for a change in how the doctors talk about it. I want it to go from I think.... to it is... A small change but a good one for how I deal with it.

I had my first trip in an ambulance since becoming an adult last week. Tried to lift my granddaughter Allyson and felt a very sharp pain in my lower back. By the morning I wasn't able to move and didn't want anybody touching me. Long story short, not M/M related so the Dr. gave me some IV pain meds and then some Norco to take home and it is a lot better now. I've never had back pain like that before so that wasn't fun! I'm hoping it is a one time thing. However I have a plan if it happens again so I won't have to freak out and call an ambulance for help!

Sounds like I'm kinda depressed but I'm not. Like all years it wasn't all bad. I have a new grandson Nathan. He came in the world healthy and happy. That was a blessing. My family is mostly healthy, except for Allyson in the hospital from time to time for breathing stuff.

I'm really looking forward to 2010. 2010 has some very good prospects. I see my UCSF oncologist on January 8th. He will have the results of the bone marrow biopsy and a plan for treatment. It might be just doing blood tests every 3 month for ??? or if it is more than that at least I will know. I really like having a plan and being able to work that plan. While giving my biopsy marrow I was able to donate some marrow to the Multiple Myeloma Consortium for research... That kinda replaced losing the ability to give platelets at the blood bank, I feel good about that. All my children, grandchildren are doing fine and we are looking forward to watching Nathan do all the first year things, smiling, rolling over, sitting up and maybe his first steps. I'm hopeful that I can find a job and be a productive member of the work force. Jenni and I have been brought closer by the challenges and that's good. Even in the worse years I can always count on her being there for me, thank you & love you sweetheart... That is a good way to start 2010!

So... let 2009 be gone and good riddance...let 2010 get here and let it be one of the good years. God willing..

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

Steven

And the wait goes on...with guilt

Not much happening on the M/M front. I went to Dr. Martin at UCSF. He said I still might me MGUS or low level one M/M. He said it looked like I was walking the line between the two. He scheduled me for a Bone Marrow Biopsy on Monday December 28th. Then we will know. He said it will take 2 weeks to get the full results. Doctor Martin gave me the option of getting it done at UCSF or local. If I get it done at UCSF I can donate some marrow to the Multiple Myeloma Foundation for study. I figured if I had to have it done I might as well help out the research, plus Jenni and I will go early and make a day of it on Sunday.

I'm really not looking forward to the biopsy. A big needle pushed into a hip bone and then stuff pulled out. They will numb my hip but no way to numb the bone marrow! They say it really hurts when they remove it, but it is fast, they say!!! Anyway; you know me... Tough as nails practically indestructible!!! I'll live, and it is a small thing compared to what my friends are living with.

I read a blog of another M/M patient. He is in remission but might be starting to see some traces of the cancer again. He said, at times, he feels guilty for getting good news and doing so well when others are fighting so hard. I can really relate to that feeling. Getting the diagnosis of full M/M and then maybe back to MGUS...well I was thrilled but at the same time felt guilty for being so happy when some new friends are so sick. Crazy how this stuff works.

So I will keep smiling and be positive. Nothing we can do to speed up the test results, and it will be what it will be. Pulling for MGUS, even with the guilt... For those on the prayer list... pray for 10% plasma cells or less!!! I'll blog/Facebook the results when I know.

I have no clue....

I'm sitting here thinking about the week to come. It was to have snowed last night but the storm missed us and went south to Sacramento. Almost never happens that way. I was looking forward to waking up to some snow and a nice hot cup of tea to watch it fall. I'm doing my best to stay focused and in shape, hard because it was 29 degrees outside this morning and only 39 degrees now and the wind is blowing at 18 mph. I do some yoga and Biggest Loser Boot Camp video's at home but it gets boring and I would rather be riding my bicycle.

My first visit to UCSF and Dr. Martin is this Friday. Jenni and I are taking off on Thursday and doing 2 nights in 2 separate hotels. Kinda a mini vacation before Christmas. We are ending up at my daughter's in-laws house for a nice lunch on Saturday. They are great people and we are looking forward to it. We should have a good time.

I wish I had some clue what to expect with the UCSF visit and Dr. Martin, I just don't. I go from thinking that I might be put on Chemo to thinking he will shake my hand and say "see you in 6 months". The truth is I really don't know. I haven't had my bone marrow biopsy yet and I'm sure that will be discussed. But what else will be discussed...who knows??? It is really hard to wait and I'm really not good at it.

Jenni is getting kinda tired of all the speculation on my part. She has stopped pretending and is saying flat out that she is in full denial on all this. I have no symptoms. I'm just the same person that I was 3 months ago, before all this started to happen, so I guess that I can understand her feelings. In fact because I've added more exercise, I feel better than 3 months ago. Really a confusing thing to get your head around. My mind says I'm blessed to have found it now before I do have symptoms. I only have to think about the cancer and not other things that it can cause, if left untreated. But my feelings are a confusing jumble of ups and downs. I know that Jenni feels like a person who was tricked into getting on a roller coaster, and has that feeling of dread, just before the first drop! Now you have to understand, I love roller coasters, but I really want off this one!

I kinda feel like a Hypochondriac. Going to the Dr. and to a major hospital and doing it feeling so good. I've never been one to go to the doctor. In fact, I had the test that found the M/M because my doctor knew he wouldn't get me back into the office anytime soon. He did a physical because "you won't be in again until I make you". It's feels crazy but I guess I need to use my head and follow those orders!

So.... not much to add to this blog except to say I'm waiting and I have no clue... I'll blog my results of the visit when it is done.