The waiting continues...

I'm still waiting for UCSF to call for my Bone Marrow Biopsy. I know that I'm only Stage 1, not high on the priority list, but I'm really not good at waiting. I have to call my oncologist every Monday morning until I have a date and time for the appointment. I really hope it is next week.

What I've done in the meantime is do research on Multiple Myeloma. Almost all the blogs and most of the web sites recommend you do that to get ready to start fighting. What I have found out is NOTHING is standard for this cancer. It is as different as each patient it attacks. Some patients are hit with bone lesions. Then there are the ones who have their kidneys fail, add to that the ones who's blood cells are compromised and they have anemia, to name a few. You can get these complications alone or in combinations. Then you read about the patients who respond very well to treatment and others that don't do so well. Each week there are patients who lose their fight with this cancer :-(

All that being said I do feel blessed to be stage 1. Most of the people's blogs I have read were diagnosed when they had one of the above symptoms. What I have learned is that, by the time the symptoms are there, you are way far along and bad things are already happening. I at least get the opportunity to start fighting, just the cancer, and not the bad things that happen when you are stage 3!!!

One thing I have discovered is a whole new idea of "manageable". I have heard a lot that this cancer is now manageable. It creates and image of a person who takes a pill or changes their diet and goes on happily with life. I have had a LOT of people who say things like " I have a friend, family member that has MM and they are managing it just fine". Now, that I have met people who have this cancer, I know it is not that simple. They are sick, very sick at times. Their reality of this cancer management is chemo therapy, radiation, bone marrow transplants, with all the yucky side effects. Being so tired that they can't even take a small walk outside. They have large IV's in their chests, all the time, for medication access, or they are on dialysis and that takes over their lives. The list of side effects is long and everyone I have met have, at least, has several of them. I have also caught myself saying those words to friends and family, "This is a very manageable cancer". You don't go into details and end it with a smile and confidence. I guess that is all you can do. They are doing their best to be supportive and uplifting. They don't need to understand and I guess it isn't very nice to frown and give them a reality check. If I did give them a reality check each time, I could see myself in a short time being very alone!!! Who wants to be around a person who does that!

Because of the above paragraph I have come to cherish the MM friends and bloggers I have found since I got diagnosed. I can understand where they are in their treatment and sometimes, just sometimes, give them back some small support. I know that the support will come back to me sooner or later. That is comforting... For me they aren't a downer, even though I wish I didn't have to get to where they are. It puts my mind where it needs to be, in reality. I can deal with the stuff I know about. I don't like surprises or false candy coating of the situation.

So I will continue to wait until I can go to UCSF. It will get here, soon enough.