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Monday, October 26, 2009

The first blog...

This is the first installment to my blogging. I'm going to record my thoughts and feelings during my walk with Multiple Myeloma. I have made a friend on Facebook that has stage 3 and she said it would be a good idea to do this. She should know... She also has a great blog ( http://managingmyeloma.blogspot.com/ ) check it out and add her to your prayer list.. My goal is to be as honest and up front as much as I can. No fluff, no craziness, just honest feelings and fears etc. so here goes.

This all started because my doctor, David Civilier, required me to do a blood test for a renewal of my high blood pressure medication. I went into the Dr. feeling GREAT. A few days later his nurse called and I was off and going.. Additional blood tests, Urine tests, x-rays etc. The second batch of tests are done and I'm waiting until tomorrow at 5:00 to find out.

Talking about tomorrow. There are a LOT of things I can hear. It could be MGUS, the benign form (for now), or stage 1 or 2. Now I go from thinking "it is just MGUS" to "Stage 1" and then my knee hurts and I think "stage 2"!! I really don't have ANY facts to support any of these guesses. It will all come down to what the tests say. Like Dr. Freeman said "we will just deal with facts".

I have obsessed with finding out as much as I can about this disease. My oncologist is Dr. Freeman, great guy with a great reputation, told me to spend some time on the internet learning. No problem with that!!! You can really scare yourself with some sites but most are helpful.

I found a good Facebook connection ( Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation ), and met a friend Karyn. She has been more help than I can ever express here on the blog. She is the person I spoke about with Stage 3. I pray for her each and every day. She can cut through some of the fluff I put out, and say the right thing. Things I need to hear... I don't think she knows that about our interactions but it's true.

I'm not really scared about this. Kinda just reacting like a sore ankle or my high blood pressure. It's there but not really a problem. I guess that could change tomorrow. I hope not.. I find myself focusing on riding my bike, eating right and watching my calcium intake. Don't think any of that will help in the short run, but it makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING!!!

My short term goal is to not wake up thinking about it...thinking about it all day, having it be my last thought before I go to sleep and waking up in the middle of the night with it on my mind. Does that mean I'm really scared? I don't know.. But I don't feel scared. I guess not obsessing will come with time. As far as my long term feelings go on this, I think I'll do what I have always done. Buck it up, be a US Marine and take care of my family and friends..

A saying keeps coming into my head when I get obsessed with this : God never promised you tomorrow, his gift is today, now go do something with it... I don't know if I heard that someplace or God just put it in my brain... It doesn't matter because it brings me back to reality..

I'll blog my results on Wednesday...

4 comments:

  1. Stephen,

    First, thank you for the kind words! Anything I can do to help, I will. I am only just over a year into this but can very clearly remember the first days/ weeks/ reactions of others and more importantly, internal processing and acceptance of this cancer. Always try to find the humor and never forget God is working in you through this.

    I find myself talking to my parents at night, they both battled cancer and now watch over me. I learned a lot, especially attitude, from them.

    You are on my mind a lot tonight and I will be looking for your post tomorrow to hear what you find out. I do not want you in my club! But if you have to be, I am here for you.

    God's love and peace be with you and Jenni especially tomorrow as you hear His will for you.

    Karyn

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  2. Steve, thanks for sharing the link to your blog. I see that you are facing this with courage and faith. No surprise there. Just know that we walk the journey with you and hold you ever in our prayers. You are loved!

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  3. Steve, you might want to bookmark this blog.
    http://multiplemyelomablog.blogspot.com/2009/10/physicians-need-to-look-past-age.html

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