The balance.... and being brave.

I just got the news, through a daily blog I read, that a blog friend's Multiple Myeloma is coming back :-(. His "M" Spike is recording at .3. Now considering my "M" Spike is 1.9, at my last blood test, it sounds like he is doing better than me. However, he has fought this cancer from a high "M" spike to zero and was in remission. Not what I'm looking at in any way. He is looking at getting back in the fight and I'm just sitting off the coast waiting to hit the beach sometime in the future.

It did bring up some deep feelings that I don't think he expected, duh... but that is the way of this, and I assume any cancer. It hits you at a very basic level. The diagnoses of cancer changes the way you look at life, your future and your family. It brings feelings up to the surface that sometimes you would just as well leave buried way down and left in the back of your mind. Also as a patient, when somebody you know starts back down this road you can't help but put yourself in their shoes. How would I deal with the cancer coming back? I'm not sure..and hope it isn't a problem for me anytime soon.

You hear cancer patients being called "brave" a lot. I always thought that was kinda silly. To me being brave was dealing with something scary "head on" instead of running away. So how could somebody be brave when they have no choice? I now know they are not being brave because of the fight but because of how they "choose" to handle the fight! It would be easy to drop your head and crawl into a corner and just let it happen to you. I'm sure there are patients out there doing that. But these brave people don't do that! They strive every day to walk the balance beam between the cancer and a hopeful life ahead. My friend always ends his blog with "Feel good and keep smiling! Pat", Pat, I hope you don't mind me putting that in here! In fact, he was the inspiration to me having a catch phrase at the end of my blog. It shows why I think he is brave, he has chosen the path of being positive and DOING something to stay focused on living his life. To not let the cancer take his life away before it is time.

I pray each and every day that I can be as brave as Pat. To use the situation given me in a positive way to help myself and others. I pray that maybe, just maybe, somebody will look at me someday and say he fought the brave fight. If so; I can thank people like Pat for showing me the way it is done! So... I will put a smile on my face, go pet my puppy, when my wife gets home I'll give her a kiss, hug my grandchildren and be thankful that I have a wonderful life, that this cancer can't stop me from living.

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

Nothing new

OK... it has been a while since I have blogged.  I think the biggest reason is that nothing new is happening.  As you read in my last blog I have been taking care of a new puppy.  She is doing great, growing and learning. Other than having a large crate in the living room for her, and a gate stopping her from going down the hall way, life is mostly as normal as it can be with a puppy in the house.  I'm studying how to train a bird dog.  I've always had the best dog in the neighborhood, and I expect that to continue, but I've never trained a hunting dog.  I have a lot to learn before I can start Lucy's training.  She is less than 3 months old so she has over a month before the formal basic training starts at 4 months old.  Then she will start field training at 5 months.  I can already see the pointer, flusher in her and that's great!  This should all be fun, for her and me.

Really nothing is new on the Myeloma front.  I don't test again until April 1st.  I'm just getting over about a 5 week cold.  Jenni says we are changing roles on that.  She use to get bad colds and keep them forever and I always only had them for a few days.  Now you can reverse that :-(...  Not a bad trade off considering my friends on chemo for this.  Keeping them all in my thoughts and prayers.  I read their blogs each and every day.

Also nothing new on the job hunting front.  I've applied for several jobs that I would have really liked.  Most don't even respond and some I get to the phone interview.  Nothing seems to stick.  I'm doing my best to stay positive and keep looking forward... Something will come along.  I feel a good positive attitude will help in all areas of my life so I work hard not to let negative thoughts creep into my mind.

My grandkids are all fine and growing up.  A great joy for me every day.  I get to watch the 2 youngest girls each Tuesday afternoon so my oldest grand daughter can take dance lessons. When I get a job I'll miss that time.

That's about all from Steven land.  I hope everyone reading this is doing well.  I will try to be better at blogging in the future.

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

It's been a long time since I have posted to my blog. I guess the biggest reason is that things are going OK. I'm on hold for my Multiple Myeloma. Being placed in smoldering has let me just go on with life...as my Dr. suggested.. I'm still doing the things that I need to do to stay healthy. Taking my pills every day. new to me, and staying as active as I can in this cold wet season.

It's still blowing my mind that I have cancer and all is on hold. That I can wait and do nothing right now. My mind understands it but I still have a heart to start doing SOMETHING! I've not lived my life waiting to do things. If it needed to be done I just did it. I have a very good doctor, he came very well recommended and I trust him. I'll continue that trust and follow the plan.

To help me go on and live my life.. we bought a puppy. Lucy is a Brittney Spaniel and is just over 8 weeks old. What a hand full, but very smart and a joy to have around. It took us about 5 days to get her housebroken but that part is behind us. She is now sleeping all night and is getting crate trained as I write this. She has just started, the last 3 days, going into her crate by herself. She gets her toys, plays with her blankets and pads etc... We put in a doggy door and that has been very helpful. She likes the backyard and spends about 1/4 of her waking time out there.

My grand children are also getting use to having her here. She runs and jumps on them and that scares them at times. My oldest granddaughter, Emily is very scared of her. I expect that to pass as soon as I get Lucy trained a little more to follow orders. That will be some time in the future. I don't start formal training until after she is 8 months old. She needs to be a puppy first.

I'm still looking for work. Northern California is higher than the national ave. for unemployment and I can see that as I look for work. Not much is out there that pays even close to what I get on unemployment. Mostly part time work :-( I'll keep positive and keep up the looking every day. Something will come, it always has. On a positive note, we only owe on our home so that is good. We have taken a hit on our savings but we can keep it together with my unemployment and Jenni's job!!

The medical bills are starting to come in but we have been able to handle those as they come. I don't have the final bill on UCSF or my local hospital. I expect a large hit again on savings when they do come in. We have a $2500 deductible so I know we will at least have to pay that. I'm just glad we can afford the Medical insurance because the VA isn't interested in a veteran who isn't living on the streets. They just keep turning me down! So much for government health care! On a positive note: There is a sweet VA employee at the VA regional Office by the name of Beverly. She calls once or twice a month to see how I'm doing. Very kind and caring person who is also frustrated that the VA isn't there for us hard working veterans, so.... I know it is the VA itself not the employees who are the problem. Ok..off the soap box and back to positive...

I feel great! My family is doing well. I still have very high positive feelings that 2010 will be a great year for the Ritter clan.

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

Steven