Being Strong.. a new perspective

I have wrote here before about being strong. About fighting the good fight. About not letting this cancer beat me. I'm going to stay in control of it. Not the other way around. I truly believe that... However... I had 2 blog friends go to be with the Lord this week. Karyn and Hamada, people I have never met, but I have come to love and care about almost on a daily basis.

Karyn lived in Texas and Hamada lived in the United Kingdom. Both fought this cancer with all they had and so did their family.

It would be very easy to go through my list of blog friends and hit the delete button so I wouldn't have to deal with the "real Life" of this cancer. I could just do my thing and be strong and brave and be all into myself and my fight. But that isn't a strong thing to do. See; these are real people, just like me, and these are real family members, just like my family. This cancer isn't just something that is happening in my small world. I pray I never forget that! I need to keep these people in my thoughts and prayers each and every day. Knowing that those thoughts and prayers will came my way sooner or later.

I've said it before and I will say it again...cancer sucks!!!!! but, even with that being said it has helped me be a better person in a lot of ways. So by being strong and dealing with the reality of all this I will become more of the person I want to be, with Christ's help.

So... Karyn and Hamada, even though I never met you face to face, your lives touched mine in a very positive way. Rest now and enjoy your new life with Christ.

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

Sometimes it's the little things... A cold

This is the first real cold I have had since I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. It might be silly but I was kinda nervous and I didn't really know which Dr. to call or even if I should call or just tough it out. For those who haven't read my blog from the beginning, about two and a half years ago I ended up in the hospital for 3 days because of viral meningitis. Started out like a cold and went down from there. So today, Jenni being more level headed than I was, told me to call and go see my family doctor. So, I did. He got me in right away and I was glad about that.

He went over every thing and told me I had a cold and would survive. He told me what to look for and when to give him a call. I now know, for the future, when I can relax and just be sick and when I need to move and get some help. He assured me that it was a very productive visit because I asked some good questions.

Of course, I can't go see a doctor W/O a needle being involved so he gave me my flu shot and a Whooping cough vaccine. Both are expected to be bad this winter. I hope they are wrong about that as nobody would ever want a child with whooping cough, or the flu for that matter.

I also asked about my exercise and he said I could continue as long as it was shorter and less intense. I did 16 miles tonight and kept it below 18 MPH ave speed. It wasn't pretty, don't ask, but I made it.

That's about it. Not that exciting but a new step in this journey I'm on. It really is about the small things sometimes.

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

My first year of having Multiple Myeloma Done - Now on to year 2 !!

It has been one year ago today that I sat down with my oncologist and he confirmed that I had MM. It has been an up and down year for me. From worrying about the future to hoping I had a future and now learning to live with MM day to day.

So let's take a moment and review this last year:

Good news: I feel great and my life is going well. I have a great family and a strong support group.

Bad news: My legs have good days and bad days. Some days they burn, are weak and hurt and other days they are just a little numb. On really bad days I walk funny and that drives me crazy. I guess it embarrasses me and I don't do embarrassment well. I have noticed my voice gets weak just before my "bad" days and returns to normal on good days, strange right??? My medication takes care of most of it.

Good news: The medication allows me to exercise as much as I want. My bicycle riding is up to 100 miles per week and I'm comfortable with that. I enjoy the riding and it helps me keep my weight in check.

Good news: I have a job and it is paying well. I'm learning how to do the job more and more every day. There are 2 local employees who are very supportive and willing to help when I need it. I feel comfortable with handling my customers and most of them are very nice. I will have benefits starting December 1st.

Bad news: I have to wait for a year before the MM will be covered.

Good news: I don't see me going to the next MM level, Stage 2 or 3, anytime soon. I could be wrong about that but so far things are going well. No new symptoms have cropped up and the one I have is well managed.

Bad news: My blood work still shows my M-spike at around 2.0 and my white cells are low. My IGG hovers around 2200 - 2400 (should be a max of 1700). My IGA & IGM are both way low. My free light Kappa's are high. MM people will know what all that means. For the non-MM people it just means that my MM is there and doing what it does.

Good news: Because of the weight loss (over 35lbs so far) and exercise, my cancer numbers were down on July 1st. My oncologist thinks that if I can maintain my weight loss and exercise program I can keep the cancer numbers in check for a long time.

So it was an interesting year. Some ups and some downs. I go and get my cancer numbers again on November 1st and see my oncologist mid-November. I'm excited and a little nervous to see the numbers are but I guess I always will be. My goal is to follow my oncologist's plan and hopefully keep the numbers in check W/O chemo. I know that probably won't last forever, but I will take what I can get. I feel good and I know that God is in charge of all this.

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

Ok... I'm working now...

School is over and I have a week behind me on my new job. It is crazy !! There is still a lot to learn and the first of the week was NUTS. Add to that, they gave us Friday off because the current sales team won a contest. I kinda got the swing of things on Thursday. All in all it has been fun and a challenge all at the same time.

I had to reduce my riding goal as I just don't have the time to learn my new job, take care of the house and spend 3 hours on my bike 4 times a week. I'll do fine with 75 miles a week instead of 125 to 150 miles per week.

My weight is staying in line with what my oncologist wants it to be. I think I'll keep my focus OK even with the new job. I guess I'll find put in November when I have my next blood test.

Well that's all that is happening in my life...

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

I have a job... now what....

I got hired this week!!! I'll be working for Yellow Book USA as a sales rep. and I'm sure it is a very good fit for me. I've done outside sales before and did well. This is my first base pay plus commission job, so that will be new. I have always been on a just salary job and that is also both good and bad. My Experian Bureau Manager job would have made me a lot more if commissions were involved, but the bank I worked for, well, we we would have starved. So, I'm not really worried about doing OK on this job, it is just different.

I have 3 weeks of training in Irvine Ca. Jenni will come down for the weekend between the first and second week. Then they will fly me home between the second and third. I've also done that before so Jenni and I are OK with that plan. Then I will only travel once in a while.

The thing I'm kinda worried about is my weight and exercise program. I have focused on both of those to control the cancer. It has worked well and the cancer numbers are down and most of the other blood test show improvement. Only thing of concern is the WBC count still going down, but I digress. I will have a lot less time to exercise and I will be eating out more for 3 weeks. The hotel has a gym and I can watch what I eat. I will figure that out when I get there. Hopefully they will have a fridge and a microwave in the room. That will help, a lot!

I had a cold the first of the week and it seems to be gone after my ride today. I guess the bike riding is supporting the "good" immune cells. All in all very excited about going back to work and getting that part of my life back together.

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

It worked... now comes the hard part

My Oncologist told me, at my last visit that, if I lost 30lbs and started to push the exercise I might be able to lower my cancer numbers. Well, I didn't really believe him. But I thought that I should give it the old college try. I was having problems with my feet burning and legs that had no energy reserves so I was only able to ride about 5 miles before I just couldn't go on. He put me on some meds. to fix that and it worked great. So I started to ride, like I rode years ago getting ready for a century ride. The medication allowed me to really challenge myself. So I put 100% effort into exercise & my weight loss.

I used a web site called (myfitnesspal.com) and it is great. It is free and very simple to use and it worked. Before my last blood test I had lost the weight and was riding 100 miles+ per week.

When I got my results I was shocked. All my numbers had moved closer to the normal range! My IGG went from 2400 down to 2100. My M-spike stayed the same. My kidney tests were now normal and so was my RBC. My WBC was still a little low but better than last time! By golly it seems to have worked. My oncologist was more excited than I was. He kept pointing to the test results and saying "that's the proof!".

So now what? I'm good at focusing and getting things done. I'm also very good and just letting things go and worrying about it later. This is new to me. I just need to maintain where I'm at and what I'm doing. I've never tried that before. The Dr. doesn't want me to lose any more weight. He said that could be counter productive. He also wants me to keep my exercise where it is. So I'm learning a new skill. Maintaining where I'm at now. I have to eat more, that just feels wrong after 3 months of watching and recording every bit of food that I eat. Jenni is working with me on that. Helping me plan my food intake on days before long rides or the day after. I can't put enough food in my body to cover calories used after a 50+ mile ride. The riding plan is easy as it is something I really enjoy.

So things are going great here. My goal remains the same. To use the diet and exercise to control the MM as long as possible. My Dr. is hoping for it to work well enough to get it undetectable, but cautioned me to not jump on that as it is a BIG goal to accomplish and the MM might not cooperate. I feel great and I'm more positive about the future than I have been in a long while.

I'm getting stronger each and every day!

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...

The life your given vs. the life you make or to be sick or strong.

We are all given things in life that we have no control of. We are male or female, white, black, Hispanic etc., we are short or tall, we are good looking or not, you get the drift. We also have things in life that happen to us that we have no control of, like injuries or sickness. We can do nothing about these so we have to just accept them and go on.

My body is sick... I have MM and at this point there is little that I can do to change that. The sickness is a daily part of my life. I get up and I have to take my pills. If I don't then my feet and legs are a mess. So, I get up and I go get my pills and start my day.

My Dr. told me that healthy people live longer. What he explained was I needed to get fit and lose the excess weight. It will do as much, if not more, than the treatments that I will have to do in the future. On my last ride, I realized what he was talking about was being strong. I can't help being sick but strong was up to me! It is a choice I have to make each and every day. To be as strong as I can, mentally, physically and spiritually. Sick or not we all have this choice each and every day. The the decision to be strong.

I know that as the cancer grows and things change that I will have to change also. I might not be able to bike ride. I might do well to just keep up some light exercise. I've come to realize that being strong doesn't mean you are the best at what you do. It just means you are the best at what you can do "NOW"!

It is easy to just throw up your arms and let the situation take over. It is harder to say, each day, that I will give the day all I have. At this point "all I have" is a lot. The cancer hasn't made my life that much different. Yes, I have peripheral neuropathy from it but it is well controlled. I'm riding 35 to 45 miles at a time 3 to 4 times a week and I'm averaging 16-17 mph doing it! I haven't been in this good of shape or this strong since leaving the Marine Corps! I've lost over 20lbs and I only have 10 more to go! I feel strong and it feels good!

My son and wife can attest that I don't have a competitive bone in my body. When I play softball, card games, board games etc. as long as everyone is having fun them I'm OK with that. I do strive to be the best I can be when it comes to a task I have in front of me. That spirit is what I tap into when I'm working on being strong. I push myself hard and in the end it is worth it.

So I will continue to push and be strong. It won't stop me from being sick but I'm NOT letting this cancer define who I am. I will live my life until it is over. I will count the miles and the pounds and stay as strong as I can. I will choose each and every day to be strong, cancer or not!

The body is sick, but thanks to Jesus the soul is alive and well...