Numbers on a piece of paper….and the hill to climb.

Now that I’ve had some time to think about all this cancer stuff, I had a question for myself. What is this cancer all about for me? I was on a bicycle ride (lots of time to think) and I was preparing to climb my first hill of the day and it came to me. This cancer stuff is just numbers on a piece of paper. I have studied cancer and can tell you a lot about how it happens, how it grows and spreads, what it does to the body etc…. But for me, right now, it is just numbers.

I physically feel like I always have, in some cases better. I’m back to riding my bike, doing yoga, eating right and getting my weight to where it needs to be, within 10 lbs of goal. I have lot of energy, a very positive outlook and I’m happy.

I also really need to know what the next step is. I need to know that there is a hill to climb so I can mentally prepare. That keeps my mind right and allows me to get ready for the climb. I’m really not good with surprises. I really hate surprise parties! I get manic when faced with a surprise. Like when I first heard about multiple Myeloma from Jenni on the phone. I had never heard of it before. I was just having her Google high “M” protein. She told me and I went manic right away because I needed to know more… NOW!!!

I guess I should be scared at some level. The things coming down road will be hard. A bone marrow biopsy, bone marrow harvesting, pills to keep my bones strong, chemo, maybe radiation and finally a bone morrow transplant. It should scare me but it just doesn’t. I guess it is the Marine, firefighter and cyclist in me. I have faced some really hard physically demanding stuff in the past and I did it all. I faced the challenges and came through them just fine. It has made me who I am and I’m good with that.

It all might change when this cancer starts being more than numbers. When I start getting tired, having bone issues or having kidney problems etc.. I might get scared and need to grab an arm, from the people in my life. I know the arms will be there and that brings me peace. I know I’m blessed in that area of my life.

So, I have a plan in my mind. I now know where it is all headed. Some of it will be hard, some just a daily routine. But I know the hill is there and I’m getting ready for the climb. Luckily I’m not doing the climb alone. I have a team riding with me, my God, my wife, my family, old and new friends.

God is showing me what is important. It’s not the numbers on a piece of paper. It isn’t the hard road that is out there someplace. It is the peace that I have knowing when I need others, they will be there.. Helping me up the hill…